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Tuesday, October 14, 2003
As many of you know, Bush and Sadaam had a debate before the war, which Sadaam won hands down, according to the democratic experts.

Recently, through my elite grasp of anti-americanism, I have managed to find Sadaam and get him to participate in round 2 of the debate, via videoconference.

Here is the transcript of this momentous event:

Bad Commie [Moderator]: Good evening everyone. Welcome to the 2nd Iraqi-American debate.

BC: This is for both parties. Where is Sadaam?

Bush [US Dictator]: The US Military will find him, wherever and whenever he will be in the future. We will not fail, even if I have to land on another carrier and declare major sadaam search operations over, and the IRAQI people to be full of liberty.

Sadaam [IRAQI Dictator]: I'm right here. I'm not sure where, because the lights just went out. Iraq has always had crappy electrical service for non-presidential-palace areas.

Bush: That narrows it ! Rummy, target anywhere the lights are out !

Rummy [Secretary of Killing Commies]: That's all the Mid-East except for Israel, and also large portions of France. France . . . hmm . . . [Rummy leaves]

BC: [15 minute delay] OK, Sorry about that viewers, but Paris has just been nuked. Moving On, Where are the WMD?

Sadaam: I think one just hit Paris.

Bush: What, why are you so biased? Sadaam just said they are in Paris. Why don't the UN inspectors look there?

Sadaam: I agree with the Great Satan, but I must caution him that the French scientists will probably lie about having nukes, just like they lied to me about selling me working ones.

BC: Umm...I think its the US that has the nukes, we seem to have gotten a little bit off subject. Let me rephrase the question, Where are the weapons of mass destruction, not those that destroy masses of people like conventional bombs, but the ones that, unless they are found, will help the democrats win the election?

Sadaam: I never had a problem winning the election. Have you considered making statues of yourself?

Bush: He is dodging the question, Where are the WMD?

Sadaam: I had some melted down and used to make more statues when we ran out of statue materials last year. Personally, the last week of my reign I was desperately searching for some WMD's myself, so I can sympathize with the Great Satan. All my scientists were not answering my phone calls, and the most I could find were a bunch of 5 year old suicide bomber volunteers ! I'm quite happy to have the infidels take over the search. If you find any, let me know, and I will tell Abdul, my minister of scientist torture, to stop torturing the scientists.

Bush: You mean we destroyed the WMDs when we toppled the statues? How will I ever win the election then?

Sadaam: Maybe Osama will manage another attack just in time. Besides, you are not going to win, I will run on the democratic ticket - the democrats love a man in uniform.

BC: OK, OK, moving on, we need to win the debate right now, not the election. I'm pretty sure Saddam can't be US president.

Bush: We'll see about that.

BC: First things first. OK, next question is for Sadaam. How much did the French help you?

Sadaam: The French took all the oil I could give them, praise Allah. They kept asking for more. Unfortunately, none of the WMD's and nuclear parts they gave me would work. The instructions were all in some foreign gibberish that my scientists couldn't understand. Why can't they use English ? Thinking about it, I would say the French hurt more than they helped. With friends like the French, what do I need a war with the US for ?

Bush: I need to win the election by keeping democratic SUVs supplied with oil.

BC: Next Question, Dictator Bush, if Sadaam apologized for trying to assassinate your father, would you still have legally invaded IRAQ?

Bush: Why do you keep calling me a dictator? I'm the president!

BC: To be fair to Sadaam.

Bush: Oh OK. I'm for fairness.

Sadaam: He's dodging the question!

Bush: OK, OK. Actually, I've been mad at Dad several times myself. Between the way he treats me for buying a ranch and trying to be a cowboy, instead of a Yalie, and how he's always mentioning that I didn't fly the cool fighter planes like he did, it does get on my nerves.
The real issue here is not my dad, or any apology, but the safety of the American people. The US legally invaded to insure that safety.
Sadaam, just tell us once and for all, Did you give your WMDs to Osama before we invaded ?

Sadaam: Don't worry Great Satan, I just sent them to Syria. Look, I know my free days are numbered. All I want is for you to stop Rumsfeld from putting his face on my statues and arranging them in kissing poses. For thirty years I have worked hard to create a positive pro-statue environment in IRAQ. Anyway, I have to go. [Sadaam Leaves]

Bush: OK, See you later!

BC: And that ends the debate! Thank you both for participating.

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