helping commies get to know knives
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
The Village of Commies Voices has a report on the evil commie thug plans to attack the organized thuggery of the RNC:
During the week or so of activism, look for groups like Reverend Billy and his Church of Stop Shopping Gospel Choir, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (a gaggle of men in nuns' habits), and the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army (a squadron of George Bushes in "mission accomplished" flight suits). Meanwhile, so-called "people's acoustic orchestras" like the Hungry March Band, the Infernal Noise Brigade, and the Rude Mechanicals Orchestra will provide a rousing soundtrack, as will the Radical Cheerleaders, who shake their pom-poms to an anti-Bush-Cheney refrain. In a class of their own are the Missile Dick Chicks—an a cappella singing group purporting to be from Crawford, Texas, who wear missile-shaped phalluses and sing songs like "Shop! In the Name of War." [BC: Stab! In the name of Joe McCarthy!]
At the other end of the spectrum in terms of scale is the outfit known as the Yes Men, whose core consists of just two members, Andy Bichlbaum and Mike Bonanno. Where the Billionaires use a sledgehammer to get their point across, the Yes Men use a precision-tooled stiletto. The group was founded by accident in 1999, when their satirical WTO website began to be mistaken for the real thing. The partners were soon invited to actual corporate and right-wing political events, which they attended in full conservative camouflage. On numerous occasions, the pair has made Swiftian PowerPoint presentations at such gatherings (advocating the sale of votes to the highest bidder, and defending Hitler's economic policies at a conference in Salzburg)—sometimes with no one ever catching on. During the RNC, the Yes Men plan to clone themselves in a special "makeover booth," handing out free suits of clothes, haircuts, and "special buttons that will confer extra authority, so that the wearer will look like someone the out-of-town delegates ought to follow."
Where the Yes Men take a stealth approach, the group known as Greene Dragon is all about calling attention to itself. Dressed as Revolutionary War–era patriots, Greene members have been re-enacting some of the major events of the American Revolution, a timeline that will accelerate during the days of the RNC. On August 24, they will stage a parody of Paul Revere's ride ("The Republicans are coming! The Republicans are coming! One if by charter jet! Two if by SUV!"). On later days, they will re-enact the Boston Tea Party (with "Texas Tea"—oil—as the dumped substance) and Washington's crossing of the Delaware, which will consist of a trip on the Staten Island Ferry, after which, says Greene Dragon Elana Levin, "we'll regroup our army at Fresh Kills and have some beers."
This is highly suspicious activity. The Commies are coming! The Commies are coming! One if by politburo diktat! Two if by Scent of Money!
In other great news, it seems like Homeland Security has finally gotten its act together and is deporting filthy religious terrorists of the wrong religion:
Homeland Security has just made us safer by deporting a professor of Christian systematic theology (Dr. Karkkainen) back to his home country of Finland from Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, California. (Jerry, perhaps you know of the place, they're at the corner of E. Walnut and N. Oakland). Visa rules for religious workers teaching at seminaries now require that "A seminary must now be directly tied to a single denominational body for the U.S. government to consider it legitimate. Since Fuller is interdenominational, it apparently no longer counts."
Fuller is the largest interdenominational seminary in the world. There are many internationally acclaimed Biblical scholars from around the world who teach at this institution (I studied there myself and will vouch for this fact.) Homeland Security will have to keep a close eye on this place. Ah well.
This is great news! Maybe now they can get that filthy religious terrorist Linus Torvalds and his communist money destroying religious cult of Linux. Excuse me, GNU/Linux. Make sure to take the fat smelly girly man RMS with you when you go, filthy terrorist Linus! God, I hate fucking commies. How dare he create a legal contract which makes people give him all their work for free and which supports the activities of communist governments like the US and China. And the fucking commies actually sign that shit.
STAB ALL COMMIES
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