The secret gospel of Bad Jesus Commie!

Suppressed by the catholic church as deeply threatening of the church's power! Declared heresy in order to avoid proof of the religious immorality of the vatican!
Hailed by holy wine makers makers everywhere as beneficial to their trade!

This gospel was found in the outskirts of Jerusalem in the trousers of a priest-king buried in 50 AD. There were 12 vibrator shaped objects in a holy circle around this gospel.

It has finally been translated from ancient aramaic (jew chat), here it is:

1) Jesus said Get away from me you fucking Jew, that's my money! Keep your nose out of my vibrator collection!

Mary was pleased because she really liked the collection and didn't want the Jew police stealing it.

2) Jesus said Why the hell do the Jew boys get better hats? I'm gonna get me a goat and make the biggest hat ever! With horns! I'll paint it red!

Mary said shut up you drunk goat fucker.

3) Jesus said Beating women should be done daily

Mary said see if you get any supper today

4) Jesus said Be nice to women for they are made in the image of a roast red goat with horns, sorry I mean God and they will give you supper.

Mary said OK then, you can live another day

5) Jesus said I'm going to go lay my hands on Naomi to heal her miraculously.

Mary said I will go to the market and buy some posion leaves.

6) Jesus said I have lost my healing powers, it is a sign from God!

Mary said, not that's a sign from my daddy!

7) Jesus said OK see you later, I'm going to go see if I can get rid of this spolied wine somehow.

Peter said Where is Jesus?

Mary said If he doesn't get back here in 10 minutes, he's dead.

8) Jesus said No I'm not, See - I'm resurrected.

And this it was so, by the 12 holy vibrators.

-posted by Bad Commie @ 6:05 PM